“Maybe my parents were… a little off.”
“I still feel like I need their approval for everything I do.”
“Even as an adult, I can’t seem to take control of my own life.”
If any of these thoughts sound familiar, you might be dealing with the lingering effects of toxic parenting.
A “toxic parent” is someone who damages a child’s sense of self-worth through manipulation, emotional control, over-involvement, or verbal and psychological abuse—sometimes under the guise of “love” or “discipline.”
They may appear normal, even admirable to the outside world, while quietly destroying their child’s confidence and freedom from within.
I grew up with a mother who showed clear signs of being a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies.
I wasn’t allowed to date, go out with friends, or even travel.
She’d say things like:
- “Don’t trust anyone.”
- “Men will trick you.”
- “Rich men are dangerous.”
- “If you leave the house, you’ll be kidnapped.”
She banned me from having a normal life and made me feel that the world was terrifying and filled with traps.
One day, I had a chilling realization:
If I obeyed her forever and found myself single, childless, and unhappy in my 40s or 50s, she’d be the first to mock me.
She’d say things like:
“I told you so. No one would ever want you.”
“You’re a burden. A parasite.”
And worst of all—I might explode in rage.
That was the day I knew: I needed to break free.
This article is for anyone who grew up with emotionally abusive or manipulative parents and is ready to take their life back. I’ll walk you through the essential mindset shifts and concrete steps you can take to truly become independent—mentally, emotionally, and financially.
🧠 Mindset: 3 Beliefs to Adopt for True Emotional Freedom
1. Love from a parent isn’t always unconditional
While most parents love their children unconditionally, toxic parents often only love you when you behave the way they want.
If you defy them or pursue your own dreams, their affection disappears—and they punish you emotionally.
You may have grown up thinking:
“If I try hard enough, they’ll finally accept me.”
But that approval may never come.
The truth is: You don’t need their validation to live a full life.
2. Stop trying to make them understand
Trying to explain your pain to a toxic parent often results in frustration or gaslighting.
You may hear:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“After all I did for you, this is how you repay me?”
“That never happened—you’re imagining things.”
Trying to make them understand is often a dead end.
Instead of exhausting yourself trying to change them, shift your focus to creating distance and boundaries.
3. Guilt is part of the process—but not a reason to stop
When you start asserting independence, you might feel guilty.
- “Am I abandoning my parents?”
- “I feel like a terrible daughter.”
- “They weren’t always that bad…”
This guilt is natural—because you care.
But don’t let that guilt chain you to a life of suffering.
Freedom always comes with discomfort at first. Over time, it transforms into pride that you protected your own peace.
🔑 Action Steps: 5 Practical Ways to Break Free from Toxic Parents
Step 1: Write it down
Start by journaling what you’ve been through. List:
- Things your parents said that hurt you
- Times you felt powerless or trapped
- What you wish you could say to them
Putting your experience into words helps you validate your own pain and recognize that yes, it really happened.
You’re not “too sensitive.” You were hurt.
Step 2: Practice small acts of disobedience
You don’t have to go “no contact” overnight.
Begin with small, manageable acts of independence:
- Wear clothes you like
- Say “no” to unreasonable demands
- Choose your own schedule or friends
These small wins help you build the muscle of self-trust and decision-making.
Step 3: Work toward financial independence
Toxic parents often use money as a weapon:
“If you live under my roof, you follow my rules.”
“You think you can survive on your own? Try it!”
Financial independence is one of the most powerful shields against control.
Start by:
- Creating a savings plan
- Pursuing side income or certifications
- Tracking your expenses to gain clarity
Money gives you options. Options give you freedom.
Step 4: Build safe and supportive relationships
If you were taught that “no one can be trusted,” you might struggle to open up to others. But you don’t have to do this alone.
Look for:
- Friends who listen without judgment
- Therapists or coaches who understand family trauma
- Online or in-person support groups for adult children of toxic parents
Safe relationships will become your emotional home as you navigate this journey.
Step 5: Be ready to walk away—physically or emotionally
Sometimes, the only way to heal is to create real distance.
That might mean:
- Moving out
- Limiting or cutting off communication
- Not telling them everything about your life
If your parent consistently causes you distress, you have the right to protect yourself—even if society says “family comes first.”
You come first.
💬 Final Thoughts: You Have the Right to Be Free
You are not here to live out your parents’ fears, dreams, or regrets.
You are here to live your life.
Breaking away from toxic parents doesn’t make you selfish.
It makes you brave.
The journey will not always be easy. You’ll face moments of loneliness, guilt, and second-guessing.
But little by little, you’ll reclaim your voice, your power, and your future.
I’m still on this journey myself—but every step I’ve taken away from toxicity has brought me closer to peace.
And that’s what I want for you, too.
You are allowed to choose yourself.
