I was raised by toxic parents, and my mother, in particular, had a severe mental condition—she was a psychopath. Growing up under her control was an incredibly difficult experience. She imposed countless restrictions on my life—“Don’t date anyone, don’t go out, you can’t travel because you’ll be kidnapped”—everything was forbidden. But one day, I had an epiphany. I realized that if I didn’t act soon, my future would look bleak. When I got older, and my value on the marriage market declined, my mother would likely say, “Why aren’t you married yet? You’re just a drain on me!” That thought terrified me, and I knew that if I didn’t do something about it, our relationship would escalate into a dangerous battle that would affect my future.
This realization prompted me to start my journey of finding love at a young age. I began my dating journey at 18 by using every method possible—matchmaking apps, dating parties, arranged marriage services—and eventually got married. But little did I know, my mother’s interference would only grow stronger, and the road to my happy ending wasn’t as smooth as I hoped.
Breaking Free from My Mother’s Control
At 22, I introduced a man I was seriously dating—an older, successful man I had met through a matchmaking service—to my mother. This was supposed to be the beginning of something beautiful, but it turned out to be a nightmare. During our family meeting, my mother’s behavior became erratic and disturbing. She constantly belittled him, saying things like, “You can’t marry him—he’s too old and unreliable.” And then, she went further: “I’ll build a house near his family’s house so I can be close to you” (by the way, she was planning to live near my future husband’s family) and even showed up uninvited at his workplace, yelling at him. This behavior was beyond inappropriate—it was insane. As a result, my partner and his family became extremely uncomfortable, and the relationship ended abruptly.
In hindsight, I can now see that it was for the best. He turned out to be a mama’s boy, and our breakup was probably a blessing in disguise. But this whole ordeal left me feeling frustrated and exhausted. It also taught me a very important lesson: the importance of escaping the suffocating grip of toxic parents as early as possible.
If You’re Young, Don’t Be Afraid of a Breakup—You Can Always Try Again
If you’re still young, don’t be afraid of a breakup. The reality is, if you’re under 30, you have plenty of time to try again and recover from a failed relationship. The damage is less significant, and you have the freedom to pursue other opportunities. For someone in your situation, using strategic methods like introducing your partner to your parents (even multiple times) can be a useful way to confront them and show them that you’re serious about your relationship. It might even shock them into rethinking their controlling behavior.
This is a time in your life when you can take chances and learn from your mistakes. Getting through these tough moments will only make you stronger and better equipped for the future.
If You’re in Your 40s or Older, Consider Skipping the Family Meeting
However, if you’re in your 40s or older, the stakes are higher. At this point, your window of opportunity for marriage may seem smaller, and the pressure of time can make it harder to go through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup. If your parents are still controlling and unsupportive, you might not have the luxury of taking risks and trying again.
In these situations, it might be better to bypass the whole family introduction process altogether and simply get married without involving your parents. While it may seem extreme, this approach allows you to take control of your life and prioritize your own happiness, without the added stress of parental interference.
The Importance of Taking Control of Your Life
What I want to emphasize is that, no matter your age, you have the power to take control of your life. Even though your toxic parents may try to dictate your decisions, it’s ultimately your happiness that matters. Your future is in your hands, and no one else’s.
If you’re in a relationship where your parents are meddling or making things difficult, consider whether you’re truly willing to let them dictate the course of your life. In many cases, choosing to follow your own path—without seeking their approval—will lead to a much more fulfilling future.
For those who are younger and in the early stages of their relationships, it’s worth considering giving your parents a reality check. By introducing your partner to them and standing firm on your choices, you may be able to break through their control. But for those of us who are older, bypassing the family meetings and forging your own path may be the best option.
My Journey and What I’ve Learned
In the end, I’ve learned that you can’t let toxic parents control your life. No matter what they say or do, you have the right to make your own choices. Your happiness is the most important thing, and sometimes, that means making hard decisions—like breaking away from family expectations, or even avoiding family gatherings altogether.
If you’re struggling with toxic parents and want to pursue a meaningful relationship, my advice is simple: Take action now. The sooner you begin asserting your independence, the sooner you’ll be able to take control of your own happiness. Don’t let toxic parents hold you back from the future you deserve.
